C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
