Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
