Already got asked if we're dating
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
