Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
