That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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