high people should be assigned attendants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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