why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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