someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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