i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
