sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
