If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize