we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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