I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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