i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
