just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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