just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
