Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
