it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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