At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
