words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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