just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
