I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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