but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
