R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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