i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
