Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
