i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
