At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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