I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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