i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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