The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
