I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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