Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
