are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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