I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
