we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
