I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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