Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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