Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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