Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
