I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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