I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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