I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
