you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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