I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
