i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
