I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize