I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
