I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
