literally had 100 drinks last night.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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