fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
