Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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