That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
dude. I can hear the air.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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