What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
