Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
