I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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