I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
