My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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