Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
