there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
