Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
