1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
