my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
