dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
