It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
