I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
