i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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