this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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