I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
