Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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