I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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