It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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